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Paradigm Shift
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”Your absence: Paradigm shift”
- Chuck sumicad
Dili pud amung patio pero madawat na ni.. bwhaha!!4:20 am / May 28, 2010
Patio, Bahay @ DIgos City
Synopsis: Staring on the monitor is one heck of a problem, Been thinking of things to put up. Just woke up. Yawning, I thought “Ano gawin ko?! Bakit ko na on ang laptop? , May be may maisip ako na i-write pag I turn-on ko ang Laptop”. It was about 2:00 am since I woke up yet several hours have passed and nothing came. Non, till the clock chimed at about 4:20 am. Then I had a sudden rush of Ideas. Authors were true about sudden ideas came popping like mushrooms under dead trees. It was an amazing feeling. Thoughts like “Yes.. I would be able to entice people to read my piece again”, “Expression through letters is so amazing” and “Sharing to people the thought is my head cures the silence that resides in my heart.” The blabber was written first before my synopsis but it was worth it since I was able to write precisely on whatever comes in my mind. It was jumbled, muddled and mixed up. But eventually it cleared a path for me to be able to write properly.
Thus, my hands starts to type as fast as it can like a fiddler catching moonlight drops in the story called “The Voyeurs wish” by Alisha Kerston where my hands was typing very fast filled with enthusiasm as its ammunition. It is really cold outside but this feeling accompanied with the calmness of the surrounding can definitely set my thoughts freely. So, here is go…
The Blabber:
Listening to the whispers of the wind, the sound of distant vehicle, the cockling of the rooster at the neighbours backyard and the resonance of my soul is a soothing hum that reverberate throughout my body.
Thus, it allows me to reflect of things outside of the box. ( Oo, May thinking Box ako.. ahha.. at oo, Kasya naman ako.) D, biro lang. I may be laughing and smiling right now but deep inside I have my own paradigm. This thing that I call a “paradigm” is synonymous to the word insights and Ideas 
(try niyo pa i-right click ang word na paradigm in Microsoft word then search its synonyms, there…). Commonly people need this to set a goal, for us to be able to think of ways on how we can survive each and every day of our life without experiencing any discomfort or any deviation from what we want. It is also the perfect catalyst for us to be able to reach a certain point in our life where we could decide for ourselves and where we can set something very important for us to achieve.
I think unconsciously all of us do this paradigm shifting from time to time. Sometimes I think that all of us have these checkpoints that we have to complete for us to reach those goals but just like normal checkpoints it is either totally blocked or we are not allowed to traverse we tend to choose different route instead. No matter how unbearable the route is there are two choices to choose from: either we keep on moving or we could just give up, again. If ever we choose to give up. That doesn’t mean that we can totally give up. We could make our own path by just deciding which is which.
What am I thinking right now? I’m experiencing a total paradigm shift because of you. Yes! Bingo! It is you again. It has always been you. You. You. You. I don’t know why some of my paradigms are shifted to you. I tried to leave you. I tried to forget you. But I can’t. I just can’t. We are supposed to grasp on something for us to be able to keep on holding on. In my state, I’m not holding anything anymore not even a little strand of rope for me to clutch or even tie to you. I want to be honest to you that ever since I saw you everything changed my ideals, my thoughts and my set goals. Now?! You were included in my list. You changed my paradigm. It would be very difficult for me to change it back again. I was thinking about you.
Every time I watched the night sky, It was you who I would remember since I shared a lot of things with you while watching these exuberant sky. On how I shared to you that you were like the sky, that I was not the only one looking at the night sky but also there are billions of people watching and smiling at you even people who are closer to you than the distance between us two. There was also the time where we walked on the same path and I loved the way you look at the sky with those expressions you carried. You never fail to amuse me. All of those things, to be changed abruptly?! I just can’t live with that. I know you did not ask for me to include you on the list. But, I loved you. If this was an Infatuation it would be way over back then. Still, what can I do?!
I was never given the chance to love you. You did not accept me. And here comes your absence. Days, Weeks has started to grow. I can’t see you. Where are you? It’s not that I’m looking for you. It is just that I would like to introduce Mr. sensitive. Day in and day out still no sign of you but alas! I saw you shout from a distance through that annoying silence. Not really getting what you are screaming still I’m here and I would like to scream your name just so you can hear me and notice my existence. Yet, I did not.
I held back and clutching my hands as if harbouring some strength to ask someone for my first date in a huge prom night I turned around. Not looking at the person I care and love so much. I started to walk my own path. Not looking back and will be accepting my new paradigm.
A paradigm without you in it… -
Dream entitled: Fly (for Gt)
Before I go Explaining.. THis just happened to me last night.
sleeping is indeed a great way to escape from the reality of problem that is arising. but in a sense your heart is also vulnerable for some reaction to the lower resistance of the mind. Thus, Creating dreams.
I slept at 3am but I just woke up at 9am. It Is quite weird. as soon as i woke up. i reached at my laptop and started on typing about my dream and hoped that i can remember each and every bit of it.
dream… with the use of sky, i can go anywhere do whatever i want.
Actually I was very aNgry at someone The night before I slept as if I want to Blow Every Single thing up. as in.. Grabe. But as I woke up. I was very Happy cause I have this Dream Of the same scenario with a little weird twist in it. I guess I Really love this person noh?! cause even at my sleep that person appears.
Before i slept, a person told me na “I Tulog lang lagi yan.. pramis. i do dwell on those problems pero Pasagdan ra daw, and EXPLORE LIFE” That word.. why am i so angry at that person yet the other person told me to explore life, then i simply cool down.
And Here I go…
All i can remember in starting my dream is that we are near the school.. yes, SPC is in my dream. ain’t it sweet. ahaha… we were like normal students. there is just one big discripancy.
I can fly in my dream… ain’t it nice.. without even the thrill of falling from the sky. i can fly.I can Fly. i can definitely fly. without even hesitations.iwas able to go anywhere when i fly.. and it is not just me. all of the people can do this. we don’t have wings like angels do. we just fly…
Normally. I love the feeling of flying. no inhibitions. That is when flying is a normal part of life. though, there are still roads, cars and things that is still needed in normal life. it is just that we can fly. then setting aside those flying stuff… i met a person. that i like so much. i tago natin sya sa pangalang GT(green tea - kau na bahala magisip sa brand nya). that person was very amazing.. in my dream it all happened so fast. we were close friends, we dated and we became very close partners. it was quite awesome actually… everything was going smoothly…
I love this Feeling when we were together. I freakin’ love this person… this person in my dream and Gues what..
you held my hand to tightly so that i won’t fall or fall behind.I held This persons hand. and i felt like i can go anywhere. i so love this feeling. i said, “you are something, i can fly like no one else if im with you.”
but there was a sudden urge for me to fly..fly as highas i want. even if i would leave no trace of earth. not even a speck… i left that persons hand just to fly… i saw the persons face… slowly fading away.. til’ i can’t see the person anymore…
as I was Flying high! I realized something.. i never should have left you. i was so selfish that i only thought of flying alone, Why can’t we fly together?!
I was alone in flying…. Forgetting every existence that I have gathered since… Forgetting everthing.. except… you.
As I reached the stars.. I keep on thinking about you. and asked myself, “what is the use of flying, if you can’t see what i want you to see.” as i thought of this I stopped flying and just dropped.
Falling…
Falling…
Falling…
And i thought, I was scared to fall back then… I was such a coward. I don’t want to fall because I’m afraid on what will happen if i landed, Yet, I’m here… Falling
I thought… even before.. I was already falling…
I
Have
Already
Fallen
For
You…
I thought… even before.. I was already falling…
That is without a doubt… I was even Smiling even when I was falling.. thinking that this actual “falling”
had no impact in me… but when i fell for you.. Even dreamed about you… is a positive result.. that i have already fallen for you.
As i fell, i saw earth.. it was round indeed (there were rumors kasi na the earth was flat… hahah)
Slowly Getting bigger, then i saw our island, the great philippines, it goes nearer in a blink of an eye, till i saw MARCO POLO of davao… I loosen my pace in falling by slowly flying against the fall. there are already people flying here and there…
I saw our School… But rather to go to school. i thought that may be i can see you at your house, since i know where you live. i just flew there.. i can still see people riding jeeps and taxi’s i keep on thinking “Why don’t u just fly, it is more convenient…”. it doesn’t matter.I need to see that person again.. to hug, hold hands with the person that i love so much.
there, i saw your house.. and i think your brother is sweeping the backyard. your sister is cleaning.. (i don’t even recognizes their faces)
i landed near to your house. i then walked (gosh, it is so hard to walk, after flying too much, i said.). your brother saw me… he was shocked and cried. ”Get Away” , he said. I don’t understand…
why..
Did
he
cry?
I thought, I need to speak to GT… I floated a little.. then, i rushed to your house.. looking for u. i keep on shouting.. your sister came up to me..
“why do u come here?”
“Why?”
then she also cried…
i know your room…
so there is no choice but to go there.
i rushed myself..
But..
this is all i can see…
i was scared knowing what happened to you…
an empty room.
AN EMPTY ROOM
Your sis came. “GT died.. not long ago, GT was trying to fly… since some people in this world cannot fly and sadly Gt tried to cope up with your strength, yet Gt was so Stubborn… til GT jumped in a high valley… GT was even telling us that, THIS IS IT! I CAN DEFINITELY FLY… “
“GT did not came back after jumping.”
Your Sister Cried so much.. It was Unbearble..
I was SHOCKED….
I can’t believe that you would do such a thing…
I Suddenly felt this watery substance that fell from my eyes.
“Am i Leaking?!”
tears are leaking through my eyes.. i don’t feel extreme physical pain. it is just that.. my heart is like crushed.
“Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.”
I was crying. I dropped myself to the floor… i went out. i was so sad. I then Prayed“Please… I offer my power to Fly Just to bring someone i love back, please accept my power and bring GT back..”after I prayed, a blinding light flashed through the backyard and at the same time, the feeling that i was so light was removed and it is as if i just received a huge block of hollow block in my back… and i heard you brothers’ voice,which Cried your name and called your sister. As i stand, I felt a heavy Feeling that i have never felt before.. i thought, “this is what you have been feeling even when you can’t fly and yet you’re with me… I was Selfish.”
Just as I Turned to you… I saw you Brilliant Smile, It was radiating through the entire vicinity.It was Gorgeous… Your Vibrant eyes, looking at anything as if they were new to the entire environment. I looked at you with such amazement.. then you spoke, “I heard your prayers, thanks to you… i was brought back.” you said.
I was speechless…
if
you
only
knew…
on
how
much
I
Love
You..
THen I was pulled by something, a force…
i saw your hands reaching out..
i also tried to reach to you…
I want to be with you..
my vision started to blur..
Ur becoming a huge haze.
I DON’T WANT THIS…
Then…
i woke up…
dreams are so amazing that sometimes we don’t want to wake up… but still.. Dreams are dreams we need to wake up sooner or later. and in this sense, we need to face reality. REALITY might be very bitter but that is the truth. we eventually be awake through our Dreams… and face Reality.
The End
Comments and Crits Are Appreciated. -
“Floating in Murky Waters” By chuck sumicad
in the murky waters i tried to float.
1:20 am
Bedroom
“Super tahimik na dito sa bahay , which helps me to think properly” –chuck, 2010
Synopsis – Making this is entry is harder than I had expected, since I have to write it as soon as I reached home. Sadly, I slept for more than 8 hours already. Since I slept at around 1pm then I woke up at around 9pm (That late already?! Tsk3) and forgot some trivial parts of my blabber. Do not worry… I can still remember the best part. Though, I was staring at the Monitor to think on how I would actually start this one. Good thing someone came into my mind and motivated me to write since and eventually I would talk about you again.
the semestral evaluation that made me think of the “note”. thanks to Camp Holiday,samal.. salamat sa inyong Murky Waters. ahahah
Actually I was inspired last may 22, 2010 during our semestral evaluation at Camp Holiday Babak,Samal. There were 25 participants for this event excluding Dr.Bonggar and Mam Gen. We had so much fun. A totally different experience and by the time we had our recess we just had to jump at the waters to taste the fun. It was indeed murky and we thought. Maybe it’s because of the crude oil of the barge (we laughed. It was hypothetically true since the barge is near the resorts water. ) But we noticed something else. Here comes my blabbering…
The Blabber:
The water is too salty.
Then I thought of an idea.
Remember the lectures in our natural science subject?!
That salty water is denser than fresh water
and I thought I can float much better in this salty water.
I tried to lift my feet of the ground.
With the use of the current in the water I flapped my hands.
My feet were lifted and I calmed myself.
I opened my thoughts to anything that may come through my senses.
the sound of the seashore… the collision.
The collision of the sea to the shore as I can hear them splash it was surprisingly easy and refreshing to just float and think of nothing else aside from the cooling water brushing through my face. I opened my eyes and I saw the most amazing night sky. Smiling, I thought of something else. When was I able to smile like this? Oh… I remember, that is when I met you.
The same tingling sensation on my feet and the cold feeling on my back that makes my hair stand up, while I am floating in these waters are the same feelings that I had when I met you. That made me smile again. Never has made me this happy. Time spent in the water was amazingly fun. It was a one way ticket to the times we had before, where everything felt so right. When I think of you, things have changed. As I just floated there, I was drifting in thoughts again. With no companion, I was able to sort out everything in my mind. I was thinking about the ants near the schools cashier. Do they experience love? (I know that sounds stupid. And out of all the things I could think of. Ants?! ) but think of it. Aren’t we so blessed? That we are given this thing called “love”? And once again, that made me laughed while floating. Small amount of water was drawn to my mouth that I have to cough a little. While I was floating I keep on thinking about things on “What Ifs” and “could be’s”. Then suddenly it strucked me.
I do not Have you in my arms.
I do not own you.
I do not own your heart.
I have no authority in those eyes.
I am non-existent in your mind.
I was not approved.
by you.
Please take care of meAnd I ask myself… “why won’t you take care of me?”
that smile that i own while i was thinking of the night sky was gone…
there is only silence… the benefit of the night’s serenity.
i heard my friends “ahahaha” but then why was i not happy?!
i keep on reprimanding myself. you are not mine. neither i do own this night sky.
but you know what is the brighter side?!
the admiring night sky
whenever i look up and watch the night sky, there is a feeling of happiness.aside from me
there are millions. No! Billions of people looking up and smiling to the beautiful night sky. in the same context, I am not the only person looking at you smiling, there are lots of people smiling and admiring you. i will give them the chance of their life. Letting them experience the radiance the u give. You are indeed amazing. comparing u to the night sky is nothing…
Still, My heart tells me to pursue you but my mind tells me to stop. even the scenery wants to stop me. they are letting me think for more amazing reasons in leaving you, and you know what?! they succeeded.
As i was Floating i realized something… being here, swimming in this murky water was a good chance to think of a you and endless possibilities. That this event itself has its reasons in happening, so as to speak, There is a perfectly good explanation on why I Loved You…
As I Landed my feet of the ground. I felt quite relief. thinking, “the reason why i want to float is just to relax but look at me now… i was more relieved. Was able to think a lot of things and was able to find a conclusion…”
I’ll be leaving you.
I don’t want to leave but if this is the way to make you happy… I would do whatever it takes to make you smile again. - chuck
“Your heart is served cold
Your sights are set in perfect stone,
And when you go you go alone,
And when you stand you’re on your own.” - chuck
Thank You Murky Waters
The End.
Crits and Comments please. -
Bonakid, batang may laban.
Living with this simple principles: Eat, Pray, Laugh, Love and Grow.
