in the murky waters i tried to float.

1:20 am
Bedroom

“Super tahimik na dito sa bahay , which helps me to think properly” –chuck, 2010

Synopsis – Making this is entry is harder than I had expected, since I have to write it as soon as I reached home. Sadly, I slept for more than 8 hours already. Since I slept at around 1pm then I woke up at around 9pm (That late already?! Tsk3) and forgot some trivial parts of my blabber. Do not worry… I can still remember the best part. Though, I was staring at the Monitor to think on how I would actually start this one. Good thing someone came into my mind and motivated me to write since and eventually I would talk about you again. 

the semestral evaluation that made me think of the “note”. thanks to Camp Holiday,samal.. salamat sa inyong Murky Waters. ahahah

Actually I was inspired last may 22, 2010 during our semestral evaluation at Camp Holiday Babak,Samal. There were 25 participants for this event excluding Dr.Bonggar and Mam Gen. We had so much fun. A totally different experience and by the time we had our recess we just had to jump at the waters to taste the fun. It was indeed murky and we thought. Maybe it’s because of the crude oil of the barge (we laughed. It was hypothetically true since the barge is near the resorts water. ) But we noticed something else. Here comes my blabbering…

The Blabber: 

The water is too salty. 
Then I thought of an idea. 
Remember the lectures in our natural science subject?!
That salty water is denser than fresh water
and I thought I can float much better in this salty water. 
I tried to lift my feet of the ground.
With the use of the current in the water I flapped my hands.
My feet were lifted and I calmed myself.
I opened my thoughts to anything that may come through my senses.

the sound of the seashore… the collision.

The collision of the sea to the shore as I can hear them splash it was surprisingly easy and refreshing to just float and think of nothing else aside from the cooling water brushing through my face. I opened my eyes and I saw the most amazing night sky. Smiling, I thought of something else. When was I able to smile like this? Oh… I remember, that is when I met you. 

The same tingling sensation on my feet and the cold feeling on my back that makes my hair stand up, while I am floating in these waters are the same feelings that I had when I met you. That made me smile again. Never has made me this happy. Time spent in the water was amazingly fun. It was a one way ticket to the times we had before, where everything felt so right. When I think of you, things have changed. As I just floated there, I was drifting in thoughts again. With no companion, I was able to sort out everything in my mind. I was thinking about the ants near the schools cashier. Do they experience love? (I know that sounds stupid. And out of all the things I could think of. Ants?! ) but think of it. Aren’t we so blessed? That we are given this thing called “love”? And once again, that made me laughed while floating. Small amount of water was drawn to my mouth that I have to cough a little. While I was floating I keep on thinking about things on “What Ifs” and “could be’s”. Then suddenly it strucked me.

I do not Have you in my arms.
I do not own you.
I do not own your heart.
I have no authority in those eyes.
I am non-existent in your mind.
I was not approved.
by you.

Please take care of meAnd I ask myself… “why won’t you take care of me?”


that smile that i own while i was thinking of the night sky was gone…
there is only silence… the benefit of the night’s serenity.
i heard my friends “ahahaha” but then why was i not happy?!
i keep on reprimanding myself. you are not mine. neither i do own this night sky.

but you know what is the brighter side?!

the admiring night sky

whenever i look up and watch the night sky, there is a feeling of happiness.aside from me
there are millions. No! Billions of people looking up and smiling to the beautiful night sky. in the same context, I am not the only person looking at you smiling, there are lots of people smiling and admiring you. i will give them the chance of their life. Letting them experience the radiance the u give. You are indeed amazing. comparing u to the night sky is nothing…

Still, My heart tells me to pursue you but my mind tells me to stop. even the scenery wants to stop me. they are letting me think for more amazing reasons in leaving you, and you know what?! they succeeded. 

As i was Floating i realized something… being here, swimming in this murky water was a good chance to think of a you and endless possibilities. That this event itself has its reasons in happening, so as to speak, There is a perfectly good explanation on why I Loved You…

As I Landed my feet of the ground. I felt quite relief. thinking, “the reason why i want to float is just to relax but look at me now… i was more relieved. Was able to think a lot of things and was able to find a conclusion…”


I’ll be leaving you.

I don’t want to leave but if this is the way to make you happy… I would do whatever it takes to make you smile again. - chuck

“Your heart is served cold 
Your sights are set in perfect stone,
And when you go you go alone,
And when you stand you’re on your own.” - chuck

Thank You Murky Waters

The End.
Crits and Comments please.